Rojo's First Birthday - August 31, 2007

Today we celebrate Rojo's 1st Birthday (though we don't know his exact date of birth). He's been a delightful pup - accepting of the "abuse" our 8 year old has given him, being flexible to the whims of all of us and just being an enjoyable member of our household. He's a sociable - Doofuss - looking back on walk and running into things, with no concern - moving immediately into the next moments of his life. He loves the attention of people and dogs and sometimes overwhelms others, because "subtlety" is not exactly his middle name.

I took him on his first walk by our pond and enjoyed seeing a beaver and a great blue crane. Later on we "woofed" Happy Birthday to him - as he alternately enjoyed the attention and looked very puzzled.

Happy Birthday Rojo!

Being Open with Other Men - My Penis and Me

I have tried off-and-on over the past 26 years to connect with other men in a variety of ways. The Pro-Feminist Men’s Movement has helped me significantly, particularly in the 1980’s. My first men’s gathering was so meaningful for me that I helped coordinate the planning for another one which was very successful.

In 1983 I moved to Madison, Wisconsin, USA. I went with a number of fellow members of the Madison Men’s Center to the Upper Midwest Men’s Conference in St. Paul, Minnesota in October, 1983. We were greatly inspired by Andrea Dworkin’s first speech to a predominantly male audience. Out of the initial efforts of eight of us, we formed Men Stopping Rape, Inc. of Madison which did some incredible work helping share and educate men about rape related issues in the Mid-1980’s and beyond.

Fathering my son in the late 1980’s as well as moving to Oakland, California (where of financial necessity I began working full-time) curtailed most of my activist work. A few years ago I joined a men’s support group in the Bay Area which helped me connect with men in some ways and frustrated me in other ways.

I have found it hard to connect at a deep level with other men. To a large degree my issues may relate to how alone emotionally I grew into adulthood from my childhood. It is hard as a man to connect with others at a deep emotional level. This is of course doubly hard when one hasn’t learned to connect deeply within one’s birth family and with peers.

Recently I’ve read a lot on various blogs related to (heterosexual) men and our sexuality. Though I have had male lovers in my distant past, I would at a minimum identify myself as: “straighter”. Much of what I’ve read has fascinated me, both where I’ve found commonality and differences with other men.

Though it feels scary to talk about my own body as well as my feelings and life experiences, I would like to share some of me. I hope that over time more other men will be honest and share more of who they really are underneath the webs of silence, as well as varying levels of dishonesty (at least among some of us).

I grew up feeling very alone as a child. I was a tall, awkward young boy who rarely had playmates. I remember visiting the houses of others with kids to play with. I don’t remember having a “best friend” as a child. I loved sports. I had season tickets (alone) at Purdue University (men’s) basketball games starting either at age 7 or 8 and walked alone close to one mile to the (night) games. My parents and younger brother had no interest in sports. I was in swimming classes and for several years a youth Saturday morning sports program. Though I enjoyed much about physical activity, I wasn’t good at everything I tried.

I remember first being aware that I was developing pubic hair just before my 12^th birthday when we were in Israel. Moving into adolescence I don’t have a lot of clear memories in many areas related to my growth. I remember being 13 in the summer of 1964 away from home for the summer having a peer group of at least two boys and I think two girls. I remember having a crush at one point on Betsy Linton from Philadelphia, but I don’t remember being with her alone or any reciprocal feelings on her part.

After my father’s death later that year my grades in school went up significantly. My abilities at running improved as my physical growth slowed, though I never was a great runner. I went to several dances at the beginning of ninth grade, but simply sat on the sidelines alone and didn’t know “what to do” with others. In the late fall I was terrified when a female classmate asked me to go with her to a Sadie Hawkins (“girls invite the boys”) dance. I declined the invitation. The summer ninth grade I asked the same girl out for my first date. The experience was traumatic for me. I don’t know what I expected, but I found that we seemed to have nothing in common.

During the 10^th grade I had no dates and went to no dances. In the 11^th grade I began dating Carol Denenberg, a 9^th grader, whose family I knew. Late that school year I found out that we had “split up” without my knowledge. She was with another classmate. Though I held Carol’s hand, I never kissed her. I was naïve!

Late in the 12^th grade I briefly had another girlfriend who I kissed – she was 19 and I was 17. Shortly after I graduated from high school I lost my virginity (technically at least) with another young woman who was also older than me. I was scared and inept and ejaculated very quickly. I’m sure that I gave no pleasure to my partner!

It wasn’t until I was in my last semester of college that I had sex feeling like I had significant control over my penis and the sex itself. Sex was still focused completely on penile-vaginal intercourse. I remember waking up with my girlfriend – having sex – and not remembering how it started. That was a thrilling feeling!

As a teenager I was certainly a slow learner! I had no peers to discuss things with – certainly among boys we didn’t talk. The world of “girls” was a mystery to me. My “relationships” lasted weeks and I didn’t know my “girlfriends” very well. Occasionally I had fairly platonic relationships that lasted a little longer, but lacked closeness.

I remember being 19 years old and discovering masturbation for the first time while taking a bath. I’d been with several female partners having “sex”, but hadn’t masturbated previously. My high school class was “The Class of 69” – but I didn’t have a clue about the sexual meaning of that – which was obvious to most of my classmates.

As a teenager my sexuality was probably most vivid in “wet dreams” when I ejaculated. I didn’t know much about them and didn’t get pleasure from them. The other part of my “sexuality” was waking up in the morning with “piss hard-ons” some of the time, which went away when I went to the bathroom. Pretty boring!

Reflecting back upon my early sexual development it seems congruent with the distance that I had from my peers and parents. We didn’t have television because my father felt it would keep us from reading a lot. Dad never talked with me about sex. Nudity in our household was accepted but sexuality seemed distant. It wasn’t that anything was “forbidden”. The emphasis in our lives seemed to be on being “good, upper-middle class Jews” who achieved. As an 11^th grader I lettered in track and cross country, was in the band, the orchestra and the dance band and was taking college economics classes at Purdue University with juniors in college. I had no social connections beyond the brief time with my girlfriend at dances, movies and similar.

At 20, I was floored when my mother out-of-the-blue – asked me: “George, are you a virgin?” to which I replied “no”. She said: “Good, your father wasn’t a virgin either and I was very glad of it.”. That was the end of my single “sex” conversation with my mother.

At 25 I had my first lasting girlfriend and we were married about eight months after we first dated.

In my 30’s and early 40’s I first really discovered my sexuality in positive ways. Because of the influence of Feminism in my life, I moved very clearly away from a focus upon “performing” with my partners. I didn’t mostly focus upon my penis and “routine sex”. When I had good sex it was a time of celebration with my partner, losing track of time and place and other “realities”. It was being in the gentle sexual touch we shared.

There was no correlation between time, orgasms or similar and “good sex”. Good sex was simply a wonderful few hours of being with a partner I loved making love with.

Little did I know how good I had it in those days at least sexually. In my mid-40’s I began to notice an increasing inability to get and sustain erections, particularly with a partner. Nothing physiologically was “wrong” with me – from exams with my doctor.

In 1998 – I was jarred into reality when I really “couldn’t get it up” repeatedly – I couldn’t deny to myself the issues that were moving gradually in my body. The only ways that I could really feel my sexual connection with my penis was when masturbating. Gradually over time even that has varied in how difficult it is to orgasm or get partially erect. Often when I do orgasm it isn’t with a very erect penis.

It may sound crass and silly, but it really is a weird and discomforting experience to not know – without touching one’s penis with one’s hands, whether and to what degree one has an erection. It is a strange feeling to feel very aroused – and then to find out that one isn’t erect at all. It is confusing to occasionally be erect and not to know it. Gone too are the piss hard-on’s except once recently – which pleasantly surprised me.

After some years and pressure from my second wife, I began trying to use Viagra. It seemed helpful at first and gradually became more inconsistent in effectiveness. Viagra, to be effective (for some at least), needs to be taken on an empty stomach. It’s hard to be spontaneous at all on a weekend to need to plan to have sex at least 4-5 hours after eating. When one’s partner isn’t a morning person and doesn’t want sex on a weekend morning generally, it’s hard to find a time when Viagra will work effectively. I didn’t realize the effects of food until my doctor referred me to a urologist at my request. After seeing him, I wrote my doctor to suggest telling other Viagra patients the food issue.

Most recently I went to another urologist who pleasantly shocked me. She suggested I try something and a few minutes later I injected my penis with a solution (Trimix) which brought about an strong and lasting erection within a few minutes. Unlike Viagra it didn’t seem to depend a lot upon my mood/emotions and other things. It felt much more like I used to feel before my mid-40’s. I masturbated after I got home feeling Very Much Better than I had felt in a long time when masturbating. After masturbating I still had “strength” in my cock which gradually lessoned over the next half hour or so.

Since then I’ve had mixed success with Trimix. It’s moderately expensive. It doesn’t necessitate not eating before it. The solution needs to be refrigerated. I overcame my fright at injecting myself. My partner hasn’t taken to it. For now - it'll be not tried anymore.

I can and do enjoy my sexuality! Feminism thankfully has given me a base to recognize that I’m not my cock. I can enjoy the feelings I get and get aroused (if not always within my penis). I can have orgasms fairly regularly, but I can’t generally have successful intercourse with my partner.

I’m not seeking sympathy from others! I do hope that other men will share their sexual lives particularly when they have issues – as I’ve had in my life. It’s not like this kind of thing is talked about more than the Viagra ads and ads for seeing high priced doctors who promise to make us “whole”.

In some ways what I feel relates to the increasing aches and pains that I feel in my mid-50’s and other ways that I feel myself aging. In other ways it feels different. It feels sad to get excited when I feel my cock – tingle a little and react – as it did quite frequently when younger –and now does perhaps 1-3 times a year – in normal day-to-day life.

I never felt that because I felt mild or stronger feelings in my cock, that it meant anything in of itself. I never “needed sex”. Physiological sexual feelings sometimes came from feeling sexual excitement and sometimes just “happened” – for no apparent reason.

It feels ironic that as I grow and presumably am maturing in some important ways in my life, my sexual being faces limitations far more significant than the lessoning of sexual activity that many men feel as a “normal” effect of aging. I presume that with the popularity of Viagra and sexual-healing clinics for men, that I’m far, far from alone in my issues.

I can only imagine that many, many other men must feel very alone and inadequate when they find their penis weakening sexually as I’ve felt. It didn’t feel good when I got up the courage to share what I was feeling with my men’s group several years ago and found that the others couldn’t or wouldn’t relate to what I expressed. They let me talk, but clearly much of what I said made them uncomfortable.

I hope that as men others are doing a much better job than I did relating to each other in our various lives as: sons, fathers, uncles, cousins as well as best friends, good friends, workmates and our other life roles. Gay men may have issues I don’t face. We each have our own issues.

I’m thankful for much in my life! I accept my penis as it is. It gives me pleasure as well as doing its other functions as advertised.

Thanks!

Reflecting upon the Minneapolis Bridge Collapse

When I think now of the tragic collapse of the I-35 Bridge in Minneapolis now I think of a way of life we live in and look at in the U.S. today. My visions are not of one bridge or many bridges, but rather of how we look at our infrastructures and economies in general as well as how we see our connections as "people" together and separately.

I remember being in Switzerland as a child and hearing my parents talk afterwards of how the Swiss were planning the highways, train system and similar for the coming decades to meet the perceived needs of the country for the long-term future. I also remember being in Israel 25+ years ago and hearing how then (at least) it was not possible for people to speculate investing in land around the major urban areas to profit from and control the economic development of the country.

In the U.S. we far, far most commonly live in a variety of worlds of what I would call "smoke and mirrors". Our major corporations often must look for short-term profits, else their leadership will be replaced. Our large industries of the past such as the automobile industry have huge numbers of retiries who are dependent upon health benefits and pensions that seemingly will not be payable for the long-term.

We have plenty of long-term needs in this country for things that are being deferred or otherwise underfunded including our bridges and highways. We have necessary immediate needs such as the funding of our wars and military. We also have bleeding cancers such as our healthcare system and our general system for our military veterans where we never seem to solve the basic issues that remain unpaid for and not planned for.

I am 56 years old. My generation is beginning to "get old" and be replaced in the workplace by my 20 year old son's generation. Twenty to thirty years from now those who are working are not going to want to pay for the healthcare and other needs of my generation. We should be saving as a society for the debt needs of the future.

Some individuals are saving for the future. As a society though we are borrowing and deferring things to the future - both individually and within our government entities and similar.

The solutions to many of our problems are both complex and simple. We need to end the power of those who look at our lives through microcosms of "looking out for themselves" (only) and seeing life in naive visions of the past (fictional) worlds of the past.

We live in a world now where many people have many major health needs in some cases related to lifestyle choices that they make, but in other cases related to luck. We can not afford indivually to pay for the huge costs of cancers, birth defects, diabetes, heart conditions and many other ailments.

We live in worlds of many people who are not super wealthy and can not afford to pay the huge costs that exist for housing, healthcare and other major expenses in their lives. We need to change our taxation systems so that those who have money pay sufficient taxes to support our needs for now and for our future lives in the coming decades.

We need to recognize that "we" are people who are not Mostly White, Christian, in their 20's, 30's and 40's, Heterosexually Married with 2 Children, in good health, while some of us are that way and we all need to figure out better ways to live together.

In our current worlds we have the ability to dialogue and work together through our politicians, schools, places of worship and in many other places. It is hard, but we need to start working out our problems from the local level to national and international levels of our lives.

We have many things we an improve in our society. We can have a rational healthcare system. We can have a political system which isn't controled by "payoffs" to politicians and others to get short-term and long-term gains for the few at the cost of the many. We can help families raise healthy children who get healthcare, education and a way-of-life that celebrates the natural beauties of our lands and our spirits and hearts, rather than simply - television, video games, professional sports - and a craving for that which we never seem to have - the "beauty industry" of the perfect bodies of thinness and whatever - in the distance beyond.

Getting there is difficult - we need to try!

Thanks!

Impeach GW - Why Focus There ?

It was invigorating recently while in the Midwest in Madison to see so many: "Impeach Bush and Cheney" lawn signs in the neighborhood I stayed in.

I then return(ed) to a world where the Republicans and a few Democrats in Congress repeatedly rebuff most everything that might pressure GW to change his policies.

Until or unless far more people feel that they are negatively effected by The War in ways that really threaten the complacency of those "middle of the roader politicians" it seems likely we will continue to have posturing and more games, but no real change. People oppose the War - not because it "is wrong" but because we're not "winning".

Pressure on impeachment seems good only as a "cheerleading" towards a much larger cause. GW deserves to be impeached, but others have let him and his cronies do so, so much damage and have often been complicit in what has happened.

I hope that in September Congress will begin to really move to push GW. I fear that the Republicans will continue to speak out of both ends of their mouth, feeling that they'll not pay a price in the 2008 elections.

Time will tell both as to what will happen this fall and in 2008.

I hope for the best. I'm cautious in wondering both if the Democrats will blow things as well as wondering IF 2008 proves a great year for the Demos, if they'll really be effective at changing things for the better. GW being out of office should be an addition by subtraction, but that isn't enough. The Supreme Court alone will be a thorn for decades.

I hope that my cynicism proves short-sighted. I hope that more younger people will do more and that the changes in our lifetimes will finally move towards a better path in various ways.

Thanks!

Returning to My Past

Over the past week I've been in Chicago and Madison - where I lived most of the time during and after college from 1969-1989. I've visited old friends and old haunts of my earlier life.

It is interesting for me to see the feelings that come out, particularly in relation to areas of both pain and pleasure in my past and present. To see where I lived with my ex-wife when we were first together, to see how the cities have changed and not changed, to see some I'd not seen in 25 years - as we are gray and "aging" - is both sobering and satisfying.

To reflect upon the mistakes and joys of my earlier life is helpful. Tomorrow I will return to the Pacific Northwest and move back towards "normalcy".

I've enjoyed parts of what I've experienced. Parts of it have also been hard for me.

Thanks!

Kayaking on the Lake

Recently I bought an 11.5 foot long kayak. Finally on Tuesday I made it out on the lake nearest to our house on a fairly hot morning. Having never been in a kayak before I was initially tentative, not wanting to flip it over. I quickly saw that I should have brought a hat and gloves for my hands, but otherwise I was fine.

The kayak skimmed along and was easy to control. I try to be careful with the wakes of motor boats and similar, though as I get more comfortable and used to the water, the easier it gets.

It is relaxing and beautiful to move along the shore in my new boat. My arms and shoulders tire, but I can rest as I wish and move in my new world. In the boat I see a whole new view of land and water. Hopefully next week I'll get out for at least 4-5 hours and have more time to explore.

Thanks!

Sadness, Memories, and Mixed Feelings

My ex-mother-in-law died late this afternoon at age 94 peacefully with her only child and grandchild, our 20 year old son at her bedside the last several hours. My son had called me in tears yesterday telling me that she was near death.

I brought flowers when I first met Peg in 1976 which she very much appreciated. Over time our relationship became difficult, particularly after she moved to Oakland when widowed. She was a wonderful, doting grandmother. It was very hard for our son to see her lose her independence over the past years. She got her purse snatched, then not that long after broke her hip and deteriorated greatly over the last 5 or so years of her life.

I have memories both of a most caring person and one who could be very, very tough, particularly on her only child. Peg's father had moved their family from Windsor, Ontario to Nova Scotia for work and then died, leaving a widow and three young children. Not being able to support her family, her mother moved the four of them back to Windsor where family could support them. No doubt being the oldest child this greatly affected her for the rest of her life.

I remember the story (just before my time) of when my (now ex-) wife B and her mother visited B's best friend's mother. The mother was explaining how hard it was coping with her daughter living with her boyfriend/fiance (who she later married). Peg was saying how kids were different these days and one had to understand and accept them. B was thinking to herself: "Gee, Ma sure has changed her views dramatically in a good way!". Just after they got out the door, mother said to daughter: "Now if you ever do that, I'll kill you!"

Hopefully daughter and grandson will remember Peg mostly as the good person she was. I will always have my mixed memories. I wish that I had been more patient and accepting of her than I was. She wasn't happy living well beyond when she could control her own life. B will be freed from the burdens the last few years increasingly put on her. Most of Peg's friends have already passed on, but a memorial mass will celebrate her life in her Oakland parish.

I hope that all will find peace within their memories!

Gaza - an Excellent Perspective

Mitchell Plitnick, one of Jewish Voice for Peace's (http://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/) has written an excellent summary of the situation in Gaza which I highly recommend reading at:

http://blog.mideastanalysis.org/?p=57#more-57

JVP itself has plenty of insightful reading on its website related to Israel and Palestine. It supports a peaceful, just solution to Israel's, The West Bank's and Gaza's issues relating to the need for an independent, positive Palestinian State. Affirming the need for peace as Jews and Americans is important to me! Avoiding and opposing Anti-Semitism while working for a just peace is important.

Two Palestinian States ?

I find the actions of Israel and more importantly perhaps the U.S. related to the split between Fatah/Hamas and West Bank/Gaza difficult to accept and fully understand. I can understand how the U.S. and Israel desparately want a "moderate" force - e.g. Fatah to support. It is perplexing though to think that Gaza can be essentially ignored and put on the back burner along with Hamas.

Listening to NPR I heard several Middle Eastern (e.g. "Arab") speakers both speak of the need of supporting the (former) Unity Government and dealing (talking) with Hamas.

Talking with Hamas is important. Talking does not mean supporting.

IF Israel and the U.S. were willing to begin a pullout of Israelis from All the West Bank Settlements and in that way to push aggressively with their own population to seek a lasting peace perhaps I could understand things.

As it is Fatah lacks the legitimacy it needs because it isn't the elected government. Neither the U.S. nor Israel has significant standing with any other forces in the Middle East. It is difficult to understand how the plight of the Palestinians in Gaza - which is desparate - will be dealt with successfully. Equally importantly it is hard to understand how releasing monies that should never have been held back will somehow magically resolve things. I don't see how things now can evolve in more than a repeated "patching" of little things, while ignoring the much larger issues.

I hope for the best! I fear that things will get a lot worse!

Thanks!

Compliance verses Compromise

Several days ago I heard mention of the U.S. interrogation techniques with "terror suspects" with all kinds of coercion including various levels of torture. The commentator talked of how pressure techniques including these could bring compliance, but not compromise. As a result he noted that pressured individuals would say what they felt their interviewers wanted to hear and/or whatever would get the pressures upon them lessoned. The truth, of course, was generally far, far from what was gotten nearly all the time!

The interviewer talked of how one could also interview prisoners and similar and seek to get them to compromise their beliefs and cooperate and give information which would be true. This would of necessity take time and effort and not always succeed. When it did succeed the knowledge gained likely would be true. In the former situation one never could know if what was said was true. Most commonly information gained through "compliance" is not true.

The discussion of these two different approaches seems relevant to me for how we deal with our interpersonal relationships often (with pressure - not torture). When we seek "compliance" often others may agree with us, but what do we gain? When we seek "compromise" we may both get at truths and understanding of each other.

Thanks!

40th Anniverary- The Occupation - Some Thoughts

The 40th Anniversary of Israel's occupation of the West Bank and Gaza is passing now - and with it thoughts and feelings come into and out of me - as an American Jew.

It was sickening and frightening to hear a women talk of having been in Hebron recently and heard Settlers (Jews living in a Settlement within Hebron - an otherwise Palestinian city) - who were mostly American immigrants - talking openly of Palestinians - referring to them with the "N" word. The blatant racism is scary to me.

Certainly Israelis are killed and hurt and scared of both within Israel because of Palestinian suicide bombing, missiles from outside of Israel, etc. At the same time we - the others in the U.S. and within Israel - can not possibly understand the depths of fear and loathing that Palestinians face every day within The West Bank and Gaza.

Israel - has the power. The U.S. is tilting the power more strongly towards Israel.

Palestinian radicalism and violence - is a natural response to 40 years of occupation and the failure to end the occupation in peaceful ways. Most Palestinians are peace loving and not violent.

Peace will be hard to achieve - but it is most necessary and important now!

Thanks!

Taxation - Values and Perhaps the Economy

This morning I heard an "expert" explain how if all the CEO's salaries and compensation packages were lowered from their extremely high figures it wouldn't raise the wages of the hourly workers who make a fraction of their top boss'es earnings.

I realize that I'm a "crazy radical" and naive as anyone! It seems to me that our taxation policy should reflect certain key values. We should encourage people to work. We should encourage employers to hire workers. We should do all that we can to allow people to live independently and not be dependent upon the government or others.

Why should employers be responsible for paying much more than the wages that they pay to their employees? Why should health care and other benefits beyond perhaps vacation pay be their responsibility?

Why shouldn't employees simply pay income taxes and no other taxes on their income? Why should "passive income" and "unearned income" be protected in various ways from taxation and wage earners pay as many taxes as they pay?

I realize that I'm a crazy dreamer!

I could imagine in my wildest dreams a society in the U.S. where wage earners paid progressive income taxes and no other taxes on their income. Social Security and Medicare costs should be paid out of the revenue from all taxation. Healthcare should be a nationally funded program that families and corporations pay based upon income (and in some cases "receipts" as income is endlessly avoided and deferred in some cases).

Taxes should be paid on income and on inheritance and minimally on our purchases that we make. We should have a fairly high deduction for ourselves and our families, and then perhaps two or three tax brackets.

I'm part of a family of four with two children and two adults. Perhaps we should have a deduction of $10,000 for each adult and $2500 for each child. Thus we have $25,000 tax free.
Then perhaps we should pay 10% taxes on our first $50,000 in taxable income and maybe 35-40% on all additional income. There are no other deductions. Based upon our taxable income we pay for our medical treatment with a deductible, copayments and a family maximum that we pay.

Under such a system a family of four, like ours would pay taxes (if 35% highest rate) as follows:

Gross Taxes Percent
Income

$25,000 $0 0%
$50,000 $2,500 5%

$75,000 $5,000 6.667%
$100,000 $13,500 13.5%
$125,000 $22,500 18%
$150,000 $31,250 20.83%
$200,000 $48,750 24.375%
$500,000 $153,750 30.75%
$1,000,000 $328,750 32.875%
$10,000,000 $3,478,750 34.7875%

If the marginal rate were 40% the rates would be marginally higher at lower incomes and moderately higher at higher incomes.

Now estates could be taxed perhaps with an exemption of somewhere between: $5,000,000 and $10,000,000. This should exempt most "small business people".

This to me is a fairly simple, progressive tax system. The real estate industry would oppose it because there is no real estate exemption to benefit mostly middle and upper income home owners. Charitable organizations would oppose this because donations would lose their tax savings particularly for higher income individuals.

Lower and middle income workers would be a lot better off! Those with investments but not a lot of income from them would similarly do well. Small employers would no longer be paying a lot of payroll taxes and benefits for social security, medicare, and health benefits.

Yes, the super-rich might be hurt! Yes, the reasonably rich might be hurt!

Sorry! Thanks!

We're So Kind - RE: Iraq!

Per a newspaper article I read from last week's paper,

1.) Per UN figures - 40,000 Iraqi's must flee their homes and become refugees monthly,

2.) Supporting the U.S. - such as being a translator for the U.S. and/or otherwise helping the U.S. Government/Troops - can easily help make one a target - for being killed or becoming a refugee,

3.) So - aha - how many Iraqi refugees have been accepted by the United States recently?

Would 1% - or 400 - perhaps seem "reasonable" or is that too small a figure?

Would you believe it - we've been SO GENEROUS - and let in 69 (sixty-nine) people in total over the past 7 (seven) months.

Thanks!!!!

Talking about Peace - Israel/Palestine ??

After a several hour discussion with my brother-in-law and my mother about Israel/Palestine I'm tired. My brother-in-law's mother lives in Northern Israel and has been there recently. He talks of a world view where Israel wants peace but the Palestinians prevent it.

We agree on the need for a Palestinian state including Gaza and the West Bank - with secure borders and a true peace. Jerusalem - he says Israel will never give up any of. I don't know how Jerusalem can be resolved between mutually exclusive demands of both sides.

I see a need for trust building. I see a need for American Jews to confront the U.S. Government and help change how the U.S. Government treats the Israeli Governent as well as others in the Middle East. He believes that I am wrong in opposing Israeli Government positions.

It is hard to face the truths of the divides among American Jews. Building peace will take time and breaking down barriers between us. It will be hard to imagine a peace when "liberals" like my brother-in-law and I disagree as strongly as we do.

Listening to each other is important. Talking with each other is important. Thanks!

I Must be Confused - RE: Israel, Fatah, Hamas etc.

Per Scott Wilson of the Washington Post proximate to May 18, 2007:

"Israel this week allowed the Palestinian Fatah faction to bring into the Gaza Strip as many as 500 of its troops trained under a U.S.-coordinated program, to counter Hamas, the Islamic movment that won Palestinian parliamentary elections last year."

"The troops deployment illustrates the increasingly partisan role that Israel and the Bush administation are taking in the volatile Palestinian political situation."

"But both Israel and the United States, each deeply unpopular among Arabs in the region, have been trying to avoid the perception of taking sides in a conflict that this week in Gaza has resembled a nascent civil war."

Hmmmmmm - Let's assume that several of the major leaders of countries in Europe were to decide that they should fund one of the major Democratic Party candidates (indirectly of course - in "legal ways") and provide a clear platform allowing she or he to get a lot more positive publicity. They would be presuming that it would be in their best interests (and the rest of the world's of course!), if a Democrat, and this particular one, were to be elected.

I presume that our current administration would admire their pluck and sadly say: "We tried to get their support for a Republican, but unfortunately they wouldn't support Him."

Now let's, see: Arafat was a corrupt dictator and not one to be trusted. His successor wasn't seemingly corrupt, but he couldn't bring things together before the elections and bring about any kind of "successes" with Israeli and USian authorities.

Democracy is the Answer in the Middle East. Oh, my gosh, why did those crazy Arabs elect Hamas? Couldn't they see how WE in the U.S. were doing everything in our power to create a viable Palestinian State under Abbas, the Fatah candidate.

Oh, he lost political power with the election results, yet we still: "Israel this week allowed...."

Now of course Israel might possibly have had the support of the U.S. Government in this, don't you think!?

Thanks!

When We Hurt

Today is my 56th Birthday.
The weather has changed from yesterday's warmth and sunshine to today's coolness and clouds.
Our house has some type of sewer related problem which will hopefully be fixed within the next few hours.
I'm behind on sleep and feeling very tired.
I'm also sad.

When I am hurting
It may be
because of something unexpected like
a friend who has been hit by a car
or something expected like
the recent death of my aunt - cancer related
It may be because of something or somethings
nasty
which others have done to me

When I am hurting
because
I have hurt
the one I love
I have failed
because
I have made
major mistakes
hurting
the one I love
I am sad.

I reflect
and hope
that
I will do better
moving ahead
at age 56,

Not
Using perceived hurts
or Other Pain
to Falsely Justify
Hurting Others

I'm glad
to have the chance
to Do Better

May my 56th Birthday
be
A Day of Growth
A Day of Hope
A Day to Reflect
and perhaps to be Sad

Caught Amongst the Trees

Caught amongst the

tangled branches of

the large dark tree

Seeking the breath

of the cool forest

Moving outside –

- Also inside

takes

much patience, energy,

thought – and

Perhaps,

Some Luck

The perspiration drips

from the upper branches

The whispers of the wind

move in slowly with their

sweet, but subtly strong energy

Tis “only” nature – but

Is it really a tree? Or

Rather – human nature

05/15/2007

Respect

Respect is something that comes back time and again in my life.

Yesterday, my mother's 80th birthday, which meant something to her. To her aging husband it meant things perhaps in moments, but Not when he felt "wronged" or otherwise not feeling any need to defer to her feelings. For her respect comes in moments countered with periods when she doesn't matter. This, of course, hurt her, though it is little different from how it's been over the 34 years they've been together.

When my partner and I have our difficulties communicating nearly always each of us feels that the other isn't honoring and respecting the other. Not feeling heard and having one's words or feelings accepted as valid and important (in one's mind at least) is common in our relationships and our world in general.

Respect is accepting the other, whether an individual, a group, a nation, or whatever. Respect is not knowing what is best for the other. It is not knowing what the other should be feeling. It is not knowing what is best for the other.

Respect for others comes out of groundedness and respect for oneself. When I (or We) feel deep pain and hurt inside we can not respect ourselves. When we can't live comfortably within ourselves, it is doubly hard to support others. Being able to escape the "me, me, me" feeling of neediness isn't always easy for us as individuals or groups or countries we are a part of. The religious dogmas which tell us: "you are better than all the others" can feed zenophobia and hatred among people who feel attacked. Economic inequalities and often related political exploitation fuels dissonance among those who "succeed" and those who are put down.

Among those who are a "minority" or feel that way respect among their fellow group members is often very important to cope with the dominant culture. Nearly all, if not all of us feel like we are a "minority" in some parts of our lives. When we don't see ourselves as a minority, we often don't feel a wholesome pride in our culture and being.

I hope naively perhaps that we will find better ways to respect each other in the future. IF we do we may deal with how we in the U.S. abuse children, women, Muslims and others perceived as Muslims, People of Color, Gays/Lesbians/Bi's/Transgendered Folks and many others.

It is hard for people to heal their hurts. We can say we are sorry. We can also work to change the systems that cause the hurts.

Thanks!

Time Management and Priorities

In 1976 or so in my early days with The Social Security Administration in Chicago I heard a story about the Detroit Downtown Social Security Office. In those days urban social security offices were swamped with claimants due to the problems with the Supplemental Security Income program which began in 1974. It had been normal in our office for claimants to wait 2-3 hours for service and there was no internet or other alternatives for service (before we began our telephone service).

The manager of the Detroit Downtwon Social Security Office was asked why he didn't have a section of his office taking claims over the telephone to ease the pressures on his staff. His response was: "I have 25 claims representatives taking claims all day long. How could I spare staff to take claims over the telephone?"

Taking claims over the telephone was more efficient than in the office. It also was a way to skim part of the workload (in a sense prioratizing it) so that those filing for retirement, disability and survivor benefits could not waste a lot of time just waiting.

Obviously, the manager was taking a short-sighted view of the problem that he faced. His claimants had no choice. They had to come into his office. He couldn't control the number of people who needed service. He could control how they were served.

Much of life is similar to the story above. We face time pressures day-in and day-out in our lives. We make choices, but often not good choices, as to how we live our lives. We see only the surface of our issues - and feel trapped.

When we're in "crisis moments" we may have few options. Much of the time though, it is our normal lives, seemingly out of control. When life is more leisurely, we have no need to organize things efficiently and prioratize, so we often are inefficient. Then things revert to long-term "craziness" and we're stuck.

Much in our lives doesn't need to be so complicated. We make choices as to what is important and often choose to take on too much in our lives. Even when we face such situations in our lives we do have far more choices than we see.

Thanks!

Rachel Corrie and Jonathan Kozol

Yesterday we saw a very well done production of: "My Name is Rachel Corrie" and afterwards heard her parents and sister and others talk about the play and her life. Rachel Corrie was killed at age 23 by an Israeli Defense Force bulldozer just over four years ago in Rafah in Gaza trying to prevent the demolition of Palestinian homes there.

The play was written for a single narrator (Rachel Corrie) speaking from her diaries, emails and other writings about her life. The play portrays her as a lively, fascinating individual questioning much in worlds trying to work to make our lives better for All of us humans.

The play is very political, but also very personal and beautiful in exploring what is important in life (for all of us) as well how she was quirky and funny in many ways. I was crying at various times as the seriousness of her life grew once she arrived in Gaza shortly before her death.

I am reading Jonathan Kozol's "The Shame of the Nation: The Restoration of Apartheid Schooling in America" a fascinating book helping expose the underbelly of the U.S.'s public school system. Kozol's books are always fascinating and scary as he talks with poor, generally Black children in our inner cities.

Both Corrie and Kozol point to the need for all of us to work in many different ways to help make our planet a better place. They both indict the leadership of the U.S. in multiple ways as well as exposing the need for major changes in much in our lives and the lives of others affected by our lives.

Thanks1