Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Telling a "Higher Truth"

November 7th - I wrote of my image of the deteriorating health of one I care about who had just confided in me about the cancer she had. She told me then that she wanted me not to tell her sister, one who is Very close to me. I struggled with the issue of hiding the truth, which I knew was completely wrong. At the same time I didn't want to betray her confidence.

I talked in vain with all the family members I thought might be of help in allowing the truth to be told directly between the sisters. Others outside of her husband agreed that the truth shouldn't continue to be hidden. The excuses for secrecy included: 1.) She can't "do anything now" due to a health condition that needs treatment soon, 2.) It will be hard for her to hear the news and 3.) Her first allegiance should be to her (aging) husband and this would take her away from her primary responsibility.

My issues related to the feelings and need for closure - after being two sisters together for over 75 years, with no other siblings. Though they are very different and live a long way apart, they have a bond between them that is important.

Finally yesterday I called a rabbi who had known both of them (the sick one less closely) for around 40 years. He advised me to tell the truth immediately, which I did, after consulting with my partner. He said that it was a "religious necessity" after questioning me about several things related to both of them.

My feelings now are positive, though a little conflicted. I think that I did what was right. A lot of tears are flowing now. There still is truth hidden, as now both know the truth, but one still doesn't know that the other one knows.

Life can be hard! Thanks!

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