Sanity/Insanity - Connectedness and Not

Since the Israeli invasion of Gaza I've felt a lot of emotions - mostly related to the horrific things I read about in terms of destruction by Israel - as well as reacting to the seeming apathy and opposition (to the Palestinians) from most others in the U.S. - and perhaps elsewhere.

"In the three years after the withdrawal from Gaza, 11 Israelis were killed by rocket fire. On the other hand, in 2005-7 alone, the IDF killed 1,290 Palestinians in Gaza, including 222 children." (quoted from: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/07/gaza-israel-palestine )

How - Israel can be portrayed - as it is so extensively - as THE Victim - of Hamas - seems astounding to me - given such a ratio of killing(s) as well as because of so many other ways things that seem equally disproportionate in this conflict.

I've reached a state of emotional - loss - from what's going on. It is a "luxury" - that I can indulge in. Saturday - I went to a demonstration with plenty of Palestinians, Jews, and others who all were concerned. I needed a feeling (in person) - that I was not alone - in this insanity. On the internet - I can feel - support - but in person I don't experience it where I live. It felt very good to be there!

At the same time - I'm Not Palestinian. My family - is not under siege. I can detach and "pretend" - in moments that life is "normal" - which it otherwise is in full. My feelings fly in and roll out - in waves.

It feels eerily similar to some of the feelings I've had in the past when I did Men's Anti-Rape work, though it carries a lot more emotion within me now - then it generally did in those days of my past. Rape - was important - but I've not been assaulted, and the rapes of friends and others - while touching me - didn't burn me to my core.

Right now the only - "true fear" - I have is when the creek behind our house rises - with heavy rains - I flash back to when we were flooded December 3, 2007 (see blog entries from that time period for more on what I felt and experienced then). Recently - we had heavy rains and for a few hours - we were really scared.

Meanwhile - 1.5 million Gazans - are trapped, the vast majority of them having little, if anything, to do with Hamas. Many others - have relatives and friends - who they fear they may lose to this crazy - war - that isn't a "war".

A War - has fighting between two opposing sides. Hamas - is not - "fighting" Israel - if it really was - the Israeli death toll - could not be under 20, as it purportedly was the last time I heard of it (some of whom were killed by "friendly fire").

Thanks!