Yesterday I took off a few hours and played duplicate bridge. When my partner said: "that was stupid" or "why did you do that?" or similar - I was lost in feelings as to how playing a card or bidding something could matter - in the midst of what we've lost and what we're facing now.
I came home and began moving mostly sandbags from the back to near the curb. It was messy and exhausting. It also felt good to be accomplishing something and to be doing something that was necessary.
This morning after exercising I moved a few more things and then reached a point where I could only do more with the help of others. Fortunately the couple on the next block who had offered to help called me back responding to my message and came over immediately to help us.
After close to two hours of their help we'd taken most everything out of the back yard that needed to be moved to curbside as well as emptying our house and garage of that which we needed to let go of. Most heartbreaking perhaps was the trunk of '78s - from B's mother - soaked and soiled along with the trunk itself.
I feel a little cleansed - having gotten this done. We got a lot of work done this weekend. B and L - our friend who's visit with us - ended up being a rescue mission organized our upstairs so that it's livable and as good as we can make it. I bought a third new heater - in addition to the first two that they'd bought - so that all our bedrooms are warm - with no furnace. Hopefully Tuesday we'll have a functioning furnace. Hopefully late this week or thereabouts the work may begin to rebuild our downstairs' walls and tile the areas that previously had carpet.
The hard parts are the feelings and (financial and emotional) fears that we have individually and as partners. Walking in stores and in public - we are "different". We're lucky its what it is. I can't imagine the feeling of walking in public with non-visible terminal cancer or similar - feeling isolated from those around one.
It is hard to be a partnership now - to support each other - when we're each so raw and hurting inside and struggling to take care of our own feelings. B - asks me to - "fall apart in front of me" - instead of - keeping the rawness often invisible. That's hard for me - sometimes I have anger - that might be directed at her or the kids. I want to support her - but I fail at that often. I want to wake up - and have clear hope and just normalcy.
It will happen. It will take time. I don't want "sympathy cards" and similar. I appreciate the humor and love - from our new neighbors - K and D - who have been wonderfully supportive and loving through this - having just finished their remodeling of their new house - and suddenly struck with significant loss themselves (not as "bad" as ours, but significant).
Around the corner - was an elderly man - who's wife just died - and needs oxygen due to his poor health. His child has taken him in and his house - is empty and not cleaned up. V - two doors away - is 85 or 86 - in poor health and in shock at his loss. His children are trying to help him as best they can.
The sad part of all this is that the storm didn't cause the damage. Most of our City - had the same storm and little or no damage. A culvert - that was clogged with various materials - helped create a sort of dam - which made our creek a Lake. Other "failures" - related to maintenance of protective means being stripped away due to poor (or no) - work being done where it should have been done. It didn't have to be this way!! Hopefully the City will make necessary changes so it can't happen again.
Hopefully the dumpster we've been promised by a city employee - (he gave us all his card) will arrive (and shortly) and allow us to have our lost physical parts - taken away. Hopefully the city will pick up the sandbags - we have at least 75-100 of them - that have polluted creek water making them unhealthy to keep. Hopefully the huge, huge financial losses we've sustained will be mostly reimbursed - if they aren't (which could happen) - we will face incredible difficulties.
I hope that within a few months - our house will return to the clear image - shown from May, 2007 here - rather than how it looks now- in the other pictures here.
Most importantly - hopefully our hearts and souls will heal and grow - from this. Thank You!
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