"Memorable" Moments of our Recent Trip

Recently we were in Chicago for five nights.

Our cabdriver clearly was in the wrong lane for getting on the Freeway to the Airport. He did what he then "had to do" and got on the Freeway heading the opposite direction from the Airport. I told him that he was heading the wrong direction which initially he didn't seem to realize. He then stopped at the end of the entrance ramp (left side of road) and clearly was intending to try to cross 4 lanes of traffic to exit about 20-30 yards down the road. It was 4:45 p.m. - rush hour and traffic was whizzing by at 50+ mph.

After several blaring horns and my pleading, he went straight ahead and didn't get us all seriously injured and his cab destroyed.

In Chicago I got a telephone call first from the mortgage lending company (Atlanta) asking me if I'd mailed the certified check to them for our refinancing. I told "I" - that I'd given the check to the traveling notary when we signed the papers. Then I was called by the Title Company (Dallas) and told that they'd lost the check. Then I was called by our bank in the northwest. After Many apologies - and Great Assistance from the bank branch manager - I got paperwork faxed to me at a Chicago Fed-Ex - and Fed-Ex'd it back to the bank so they could re-issue the check to the Title Company and expedite it to them. Mission accomplished - with apology gifts to us from the mortgage lender and the title company.

Chicago was muggy -but I enjoyed the trip - seeing a relative and some old friends. I made it once to Mario's Italian Lemonade Stand (Taylor Street) and Manny's Cafeteria/Deli - (Jefferson Street by Roosevelt Road) and we had a nice evening hearing Billy Branch play some wonderful blues music.

Thanks!

"Heroic Actions" - and The Military

I was listening to Air America Radio yesterday and was bothered by the repeated references the program host made to essentially saying that soldiers and veterans of the U.S. military are heroes whom we should honor. Given that repeatedly on Air America one hears of the need to end the War in Iraq and how President Bush was totally wrong in sending troops there for the current War, such references - stand out in my mind.

Obviously it was wrong for Americans to disrespect and do worse towards veterans returning from Vietnam in the late 1960's and early 1970's. The soldiers are not responsible for the war policies that our "leaders" repeatedly take. We should not criticize the soldiers, but rather the "warmakers".

There is a difference between trashing veterans and making them into heroes in one's statements.

Saying that soldiers and veterans are "heroes" glorifies their "sacrifices" and indirectly makes the military and through them Wars out to be a Logical place for young people to go seeking heroism and similar.

IF we really believe in ending racism, sexism, domestic violence, rape, economic injustice and similar we really need to view those who do a lot in such areas as our true heroes. Marion Wright Edelman who founded The Children's Defense Fund in 1973 is a good example of someone I would call a "hero". She has done an incredible amount of wonderful work to help others over many years. Paul Robeson, Cesar Chavez, I.F. Stone, Bayard Rustin and many others - often not famous are some of my heroes.

A civil-rights fixture in Louisville for more than five decades, Anne Braden fought tirelessly for desegregated schools, open housing, equal policing, gay rights and racial tolerance. .... Braden and her husband, Carl Braden, gained national attention in 1954 when they bought a house for an African-American couple in an all-white neighborhood near Shively. .....Since then, she's spoken out on a range of issues, including gay rights, Rubbertown pollution and police shootings of black residents. She taught classes on civil rights and social-justice history at Northern Kentucky University and at the University of Louisville. ....Even after turning 80, Braden continued to show up at local council meetings and protests. She attended an antiwar march in Washington last fall, riding in a wheelchair amid thousands of marchers.
(from her obit - 2006 - http://www.commondreams.org/headlines06/0308-01.htm). Anne and Carl Braden - were true "heroes".

Many heroes do incredible things in their lives despite facing abuse as a child or as an adult, or simply doing "simple" (complex really) things like caring for a severely handicapped child or helping others in many, many ways. Many such heroes give an incredible amount to others seeing how giving helps them within their spirit - their soul - their essence. Often they see the interconnectedness of many issues and don't see their lives and causes in isolation from the larger worlds around them.

I wouldn't want to say that a soldier could not be a Hero. I would, though say that saving the lives of others and similar in war, while certainly is honorable, supporting the killing of others by being a soldier is Not always "good". It is sad that joining the military is seen by so many as either an economic necessity or as a The Way to be Heroic. Someday I hope that people will see being a nurse or teacher or many other things as being "the way to be heroic" -
in the ways that so many of our young and others see being a soldier and veteran today.

Thanks!

Looking Towards the Election - "Dirty Tricks?"?

In thinking of the coming months towards the election I come back time and again to seeing two related but different paths of Dirty Tricks that might allow McCain to defeat Obama. Guessing specifics are hard, but thinking of possibilities is fairly easy.

It looks to me like it's likely that Obama will be the heavy favorite to win in November. The economy, The War, McCain's - weak base of support and similar make a sizable win by the Democrats including Obama seem likely.

Such a scenario leads me to see a likelihood of Something Major to shake things up.

Iran - an attack on it - making it into a "Gulf of Tonkin" - type - Necessary Defensive Act - to rally the "patriotism" (sic) - behind McCain seems the most logical path for the "necessary drastic" type of situation.

Some other type of dramatic act that creates a warlike fervor - seems quite possible.

I could imagine some trumped up bombing or stopping of a "major plot" - that somehow was building up Bush and through him McCain - and making Obama look - "too radical" - or otherwise out of the mainstream - in the fall.

Related to this or the second scenario - I could imagine - suddenly in about October the Saudi's dramatically increasing their oil production and the price of gas suddenly dropping at least 40 cents to a dollar a gallon.

Assuming that the election is much closer it seems more likely that there would be multiple smaller things that might help McCain.

"Election irregularities" - in Florida - or some other state with a Republican Governor and legislature - could happen again. Ohio - would need to be more guarded - because the Democrats are in power now there.

Right Wing - attacks on Obama - from the Limbaugh types - will of course be there in any case - accusing him of being Muslim and worse - will be there in any case.

Getting the campaign - against Obama - rather than exposing McCain's weaknesses - will of course be a prime aim of the Republicans and their supporters.

We are fortunate that McCain - lacks a clear support - except as: "not a Black man" and "Not a Democrat" - among so many of his potential supporters.

I hope for the best, but....

Thanks!

Loving Day - Some Thoughts

Today is Loving Day.

For many people including myself until a few years ago, I’d not have had a clue what this might signify (wondering if it related to “loving”). Being a White Man partnered with a Black Woman, it has become meaningful to me.

Mildred and Richard Loving were married in Washington, D.C. in 1958. They returned home to Virginia where their marriage was illegal. He was White and She Black. Six months later they were arrested and their one year prison sentence was suspended with the agreement that they would leave Virginia and not return. After Mildred Loving wrote Robert Kennedy (then Attorney General of the U.S.) and much legal effort on his part The U.S. Supreme Court ruled on June 12, 1967 that states could not deny the right to marriage based upon Race. This invalidated the laws of 16 states in 1967.

“On November 7, voters in Alabama erased from that state's Constitution a provision dating from 1901 that declared that "the legislature shall never pass any law to authorize or legalize any marriage between any white person and a Negro, or descendant of a Negro." (The Nation: December 7, 2000) Alabama was the last state to eliminate a (by then non-enforceable) ban on interracial marriage less than eight years ago after multiple efforts over the years.

In thinking of this, I think also of how we live insular lives, forgetting parts of history that are often omitted from the stories we hear, as well as Never Knowing that which is not deemed “relevant” to our lives. Paul Robeson, once the best known Black Man in the U.S. became “forgotten” because he was a Communist and otherwise “bad” in the minds of many. Many Black people don’t know of him (as well as most of us White Folks). Pele, the great soccer player, was unknown to most USians until relatively late in his career because soccer didn’t used to be important here. I am certainly ignorant about many icons who my step-sons know much of.

Hopefully over time we will learn more of others who have changed the lives of others in important ways! Thanks!

Sadness - at hearing of the Death of U. Utah Phillips

At age 57 icons of my younger days are dying off in increasing numbers. I am sad at hearing of the death of U. Utah Philips. Though his music and persona were never really, really important to me, he was always one I admired - thinking of on a path from Woody Guthrie through many others to my present.

I know that we are all affected by various people who we came to know of in our formative years. For me, though I don't follow them greatly, people like: Arlo Guthrie and Holly Near remind me of various parts of my younger life. I remember seeing Holly Near in a large theater in Chicago with perhaps 4000 women and maybe 50 men. It was the only time I remember being a "minority" in a men's restroom being male.

Unique people like U. Utah Philips - are a wonderful part of being alive and "different". He lived his life as he wanted to - with a strong commitment to social justice - which I admired and admire very much. He will be missed!

Thanks!

Clinton and the Democratic Race - Hopes for the Future

The self-destructive statement Hillary Clinton made yesterday seems to me only the latest part of a disturbing pattern on her part. Clearly she has faced sexism in her race for the Democratic nomination. It is hard to doubt that! It seems though that things are deeper in a way that is disturbing to me.

Clearly there are areas where one might prefer Clinton over Obama. Her health care plan seems better. Some of her other policy positions may be slightly better thought out and/or better.

At the same time it is hard for me to see the race in such terms. There seem to be three areas related to the competition now which bother me greatly. Clearly Obama has worked the system better in the race for delegates and the nomination. He has grown from a charismatic underdog to the favorite. Clinton has correspondingly dropped from the clear favorite to an underdog struggling on against great odds.

To say that this process has been Because of Sexism seems grossly simplistic. It is dismissive of the issue of racism which has made Obama's successes difficult to have foreseen.

Secondly the issue of racism itself has been in a sense denied by Clinton. Her pose as the wife of "the first Black President" has been called into question by repeated statements which nibble around the edges of racism. She has used "electability" and "White Working Class Voters" as tools to play upon persistent racism in this country. Unlike Obama she has evaded the issues of race and how it is affecting the nomination competition in her desperate effort to get nominated.

The latest statement about the assassination of Robert Kennedy has rightfully created an outpouring of anger and frustration. Thinking of the very recent news that Edward Kennedy has malignant brain cancer alone would make the statement insensitive. Adding to this the substantial fear that many (particularly Black People) have that Obama will be assassinated if elected (and the death threats he has already received) adds greatly to this. This statement neatly fits as a "bipartisan" companion statement to Huckabee's NRA blunder which I would summarize as - "I am Not a racist" (but my words call that into question in terms of my sensitivity to the feelings of Black people).

So Why does Clinton do what she does? The third and I believe most important part of this is a feeling of entitlement. Hillary and Bill Clinton clearly feel that she is "entitled" to be President! Recent political history shows plenty of favorites or "good contenders" who faded in the primary sweepstakes through poorly stated things, rubbing some the wrong way, the loss of key primaries and various other reasons.

Clinton seems to struggle on because "she should be President"! Such words are bizarre to me. It is bad enough that we've had two Bushes as President!

I do not see how there is some magical entitlement path to the Presidency!

It seems very sad that she seems willing to lead the Democrats to defeat in November because of her feelings that she "should be President". It is bizarre to believe that the feminist supporters of Clinton could be willing to sit the election out or even vote for McCain in preference to Obama.

McCain's open stance on the appointment of judges alone should terrify any real feminist who believes in the importance of safe, legal abortions in the U.S. Other "conservative stances" of McCain are equally "wrong" from a faintly progressive feminist outlook.

Obama is far from perfect. He is dramatically preferable to McCain for many, many reasons. I can only hope that McCain's words including his doubletalk (lies), his "jokes" (which often aren't funny), his demeanor (a horrible temper which he has trouble controlling) and most importantly his positions on the issues will wake up Americans including Clinton supporters to the necessity of supporting Obama asap!

Thanks!

Gay/Lesbian Rights - My Total Confusion !

I'm somewhat puzzled by some of the confusion regarding the recent California State Supreme Court Decision - which indicated that same gender couples have equal rights to marriage - and that denying them such rights would deny them equal protection under the law.

I've heard various criticisms such as: 1.) It violates the will of the people - as per prior referendums in California - which defined marriage as "a man and a woman", 2.) It grants "special privileges" to same gender couples, 3.) It will destroy the institution of marriage, etc.

The rights of women - to vote and to not be the chattel of men - were denied for a long, long time. Blacks were legally slaves as well as later on not entitled to attend schools with Whites, not allowed to vote in many jurisdictions and similar. Popular will, laws and legal distinctions were all central to deny such rights in the past. The "framers of The Constitution" - wrote of a world where - White, Male, Landowners - had basic rights and where "the people" did not elect senators. Until the 17th Amendment was passed in 1914 - senators were chosen by state legislatures.

Having the right to marry as a "special privilege" - mystifies me! IF - Gays and Lesbians - uniquely had the right to Both marry an individual of the opposite gender and while still married, marry a same gendered partner, While Straight individuals were denied this right, this would be a "special privilege"! I've heard no one talk of this.

The idea that it is "easy" to be Gay or Lesbian - and "hard" to be Heterosexual - and that somehow rights "for all" somehow favor non-heterosexuals seems laughable. It ranks similar to the ideas that disabled folks and other "oppressed classes" - have "special rights" that discriminates against "normal people" seems part of this strange world to me.

It is most confusing how rights to marriage - will destroy - heterosexual marriages - if granted to non-heterosexual couples. Marriage seems rather weak - as an institution - where it is "destroyed" by expanding those who may marry. Are religious people hurt by others marrying? What would happen if atheists were denied the rights to marry - because it is a "religious right" and they were determined to have "no religion" or similar. Are many people now going to be "tempted" to marry - who wouldn't otherwise marry? What's the problem?

I think that marriage is a personal relationship which has a basic right to be a level of commitment made to another person. How I can have "special rights" - because I want to be lined to a woman (as a man) or as a White Man - because I'm not "of Color" or similar - seems ridiculous to me!

Thanks!

Aging - a Story

One significant part of my life is playing duplicate bridge (competitive card game) one or two mornings a week. As one whose 57^th birthday is tomorrow, I’m generally considerably younger than the average player. One quite good player at the club I attend is 95 years old. She’s not quite the player she was years ago I guess, but she’s still quite good.

Aging in this world is a “fact of life”. Recently a regular partner of mine “P” quit playing entirely. I heard that he said that his game was worsening, because his memory wasn’t as good. He evidently preferred to stick to his artwork, and not play. A new husband/wife couple at the club are 87 and 86. The wife has Alzheimer’s Disease. She is much louder than everyone and in some ways is “off the wall” with most of what she says. Her husband told me that playing bridge is the one way he can keep her going out and doing something that she enjoys.

Several weeks ago I watched several rounds of play at another club. A most genial man welcomed me and I watched him play with his 97 or 98 year old partner. He looked to be close to 75 or 80 himself. Watching him play it was evident that he forgot what he was doing in the middle of one hand. Later someone who knew him told me that he too has Alzheimer’s.

It is important as we age that we stay in touch as much as we can. Maintaining our social ties and “living normal” is important. We can not always do some things requiring exertion and significant stress. We may choose to not do things that are less pleasurable or more complicated for our lives.

Hearing others talk of the serious illnesses and deaths of their friends is common also.

It is difficult to watch my mother’s memory have its lapses. Occasionally I may catch myself forgetting something small or otherwise acting well beyond my age.

It is also important that we think and talk about aging in our lives and not pretend that it doesn’t exist. Thanks!

Reverend Wright Revised

Unfortunately Reverend Wright seems lost in his "preaching" and his ego. Tis a pity that all the Good Things that he's done and said will obviously be lost in how he is hurting Barack Obama's presidential campaign with his perceived "craziness". Twenty Years ago I heard Louis Farrakhan speak at the University of Wisconsin. The good things that he said and his charisma as a speaker were squashed by his insistent Anti-Semitism. Reverend Wright seems similarly "irrational" - brilliant, but ....

Rape - Lynching and Our Masculinity

INTRODUCTION: LYNCHING (towards Rape)

Similarities and differences between racism and sexism interest me greatly. The lynching of Blacks is an important part of our racist past. I’d like to discuss below some similarities and differences between the lynching of Blacks and rape as they relate to racism and sexism.

A definition of lynching that I find helpful is: “…a murder committed by a conspiracy of private citizens, with malice aforethought and an expectation of impunity.”

(Judge Garth – stated:) “I see no likeness in principle whatever between burning Southern Negroes in public and hanging Wyoming horse-thieves in private…. We do not torture our criminals when we lynch them. We do not invite spectators to enjoy their death agony….We execute our criminals by the swiftest means, and in the quietest way.”

(both quotes from: “When Race Becomes Real: Black and White Writers Confront Their Personal Histories” [Bernestine Singley editor, 2002, Lawrence Hill Books]- {essay of David Bradley} [1^st quote p. 119, 2^nd quote p. 121-quoting Owen Wister’s - The Virginian { p. 21, published in 1902})

Media portrayals of the lynching of Black men have often pictured them as the consequence of the rape of “innocent White women” or other heinous crimes. Jealousy and anger at perceived economic success seems a much more common precipitating factor. Some White people didn’t appreciate the implication that individual Blacks might be at least their equals.

I find discussion of such purported rapes ironic. White men (and boys) often had the freedom to sexually exploit Black slaves and later their maids and other hired help. A majority of US native born Blacks have White ancestors. “Interracial relationships” were generally forbidden. I’ve never heard of Black women or girls successfully pursuing rape charges against White men and boys.

Where there was sexual activity between White women and Black men it frequently was either initiated by the women or was otherwise consensual. Black men and boys were rarely naïve enough to think that their word would mean anything if accused of the rape of White females.

To publicly plan and then kill someone (as in a lynching) required a group of people to either not see the victim as “human” or convince themselves that the “other” had done something extremely horrific. To feel immune from punishment for killing says a lot. To gather a complete White community to “enjoy” such an event magnifies the cruelty of watching the torturing and killing of animals for me many times over.

THE OPPRESSOR - Flipping the Victim (Strangely) into THE OPPRESSOR

Perceiving Blacks as the “oppressor” seems bizarre. Blacks had little power or influence. Some Blacks committed crimes against Whites. The criminal justice system was hardly lax in punishing such transgressions. To gather a group, plan and publicly mutilate and kill another person takes more than a simple desire for “justice”. Blacks were scapegoated due to Racism as well as the poverty and economic inequalities amongst Whites.

The sexual assault of women by men is both similar and different from lynching. Well known men such as athletes and entertainers often have significant access to sex with large numbers of women and girls. When accused of rape the well known man oft is portrayed as the victim of an “opportunistic woman”.

The male alleged perpetrator may be seen as going through a trauma in facing such accusations. The female alleged victim may be pictured as taking an easy path in alleging rape. It is difficult to know what goes through the minds of most men accused of rape. There seems little evidence to suggest that large numbers of men are seeking therapy for trauma caused by false accusations.

Rape accusations may be seen as more complex when the accuser is White and the alleged perpetrator is Black. It is not clear to me how racism enters into some of these situations, though obviously it may be a significant factor.

For the girl or woman alleging assault, contrary to some popular images, making a public accusation is very difficult. Where the woman or girl was assaulted by a man or boy she knew, recognizing the assault as not being: “I asked for it by what I did” alone often is a major hurdle. The: “I shouldn’t have been drinking”, “I shouldn’t have let him kiss me”, “I shouldn’t have gone into that room with him” kinds of rationalizations alone lead many women and girls to blame themselves rather than their perpetrators.

Despite many years of community education, rapists are often still seen as “deranged” men grabbing “innocent” women. A majority of rapists are “normal” men, similar to those lynching Blacks. Often when women do pursue acquaintance rape charges they are pressured by others to “get over it”, “move on with your life”, “don’t make trouble” or similar and don’t get the support that they need.

RAPE and LYNCHING - some similarities

Unlike lynching most rapists do not intend to kill. Where one woman or girl is assaulted by multiple men, there certainly is a similarity to lynching. The male bonding has similarities to the group spectacle of lynching. Peer pressure may push individual men into doing something that they’d not do alone, similar to what might have occurred in some lynching situations.

In rapes where there was one man (boy) and one woman (girl) the male perpetrator may have had various motivations. Males often boast to their peers of purported “sexual conquests”. Sex is “scoring”. Talking of or showing any doubts or related insecurities is admitting failure.

OUR MALENESS - relevancy to the issues

Men may in such situations see the female as the powerful one and see themselves as the weaker oppressed person. “She can go and get most any guy to s__w her while I have to try to sweet talk her and risk humiliation”. Such limited silly perceptions may flip the perceived power dynamics similar to how Blacks were seen as “powerful” and then lynched.

We men often have limited emotional outlets. We have sexual energy. We have pressures upon us to be successful. We often lack the caring support of others. We don’t know how to deal with our frustrations and fears. Big time sports culture, the popular media, advertisements and pornography all feed us myths both of women and “real men”. We find it hard to trust anyone to talk of with about our feelings. It is hard to be in touch with all that may be going on within us.

The myths of “the powerful male” seem a lie to most of us men. Where we do have power, we often see more of what power we lack. I take it for granted that I won’t be sexually assaulted when walking in the dark. I don’t fear sexual assault when someone I don’t know starts talking with me or comes to the door of my house. Few men will see these as privileges of being male.

Being (basically) heterosexual does not make me feel privileged. (It is simply a part of “normalcy” that I take for granted.). I don’t see myself as being “wealthy” though our family income is relatively high. I see our substantial debts. While I don’t feel “poor”, I frequently fail to see our relative “wealth”.

We men often feel like important things parts of our lives are beyond our control. We feel constrained in our jobs. We see limitations in our relationships. We feel imprisoned by our mortgages/car loans/credit card debts.

So how do we, as men, translate our frustrations, angers and fears into raping women and girls and other sexist violence? We often have rigid images of what “maleness” and “femaleness” are. A majority of our violence is likely directed at other males. We fight for “honor”, control, survival or whatever.

To assault both males and females requires us to devalue both the “other” as well as ourselves as men/boys. Where we feel a deep, heart felt connection to others, we may hurt them on occasion, but are unlikely to brutalize them.

To rape, batter and otherwise abuse women and girls, we as men/boys emotionally need to dehumanize the individual-female, as well as desensitize ourselves. The female may become the: “b-word”, “c-word” or similar, not a friend or lover we care about. We may have a consistent contempt for this woman/girl or for all females. Otherwise we probably live in a schizophrenic world where she is both put on a pedestal and trashed as we emotionally run from extreme to extreme.

Recently I was troubled to read in a local paper of the path of missteps of a professional athlete. From his high school days through the present alcohol abuse and the abuse of women seemingly get him “almost in trouble” over and over again. He is now tottering to maintain his career after numerous incidents.

It was particularly painful to read of a college incident where he anally assaulted a very drunken freshman acquaintance. Despite the support and evidence of her friends as well as minimal evidence from his friends, he escaped substantive consequences. His university and the local authorities wanted a sports championship. They did not want bad publicity. They silenced the young woman. Her only option is to sue him now that he has money, which won’t heal the hurts she will no doubt have for life.

Rape is similar to lynching in that the victim often is turned into the “bad guy”, while the perpetrator commonly is at least excused for his actions.

I do not see rape, domestic violence and other sexist violence being seriously confronted until we, as men, begin working seriously on our issues. Our issues relate to our excuses. “Boys being boys” and “testosterone” justify our violence. Such violence is directed at others, both male and female. Left not discussed here are the men who are sexually assaulted by other men and are really extremely emotionally alone.

While most of us do not rape women or fight other men, we are affected by our “maleness”. Being labeled a “p-word” or “f-word” as a boy may impact us significantly as men. We may be taught in sports that we are a failure unless we win. As adults we may judge ourselves in narrow ways as failures. We may not seeing how life can be a far more beautiful spectrum as well as a path where we should build up and support others. We view “patriotism” often in a narrow way, not seeing the heroism of many caring, giving people who nurture the lives of others.

Our hatreds – of others and ourselves are based upon various things. We are homophobic. We are scared of other men, regardless of our gender orientation. Such limitations stunt our growth as people.

As boys we may be given different messages. We may be taught that we are special because of our maleness. Through this we may learn of an entitlement – a privilege - that belongs to us because we are male.

We may also learn that “it’s a tough world out there” and we need to “be a man”. To be a man may then mean that we need to fight and need to win.

We may learn either or both of these messages. We generally don’t learn that we are a “caretaker” of others. We don’t learn to help heal the emotional wounds of younger siblings. We don’t listen deeply hearing the hurts of our peers’ hearts. We frequently manage the financial and logistical needs of our aging parents. We often find it much harder to be with them emotionally, because being “male” doesn’t include such deep emotional bonding.

OUR DENIAL - as The Dominant "Class"

Racism in the U.S. continues to be a major problem. Its persistence relates strongly to the fact that it is perceived as a “Black Problem” not a “White Problem”. Black people don’t share the luxury that we White Folks have of ignoring our ethnocentrism. We can and do choose to look at racism only briefly when forced to face a racist incident or similar. We are blind to the realities of Racism that People of Color have repeated reminders of.

Similarly we men generally ignore rape, domestic violence and less visible sexist incidents. We see “the blood and gore” of the moment, but stay clear of the deeper issues.

For some of us things such as parenting and our own aging may help us grow as individual men. We may develop empathy for the women in our lives.

We find it hard to move beyond being “the good guy”. Our support of our children rarely leads us to become an activist for children. We become active often only when pushed by our experiences parenting an autistic child, or facing a similar daunting challenge.

Our support of women and girls rarely leads us to activism.

We generally don’t develop support systems with other men to help us confront our drives towards gender based violence. We certainly do little to systemically work to end male violence. (Despite the fact that we kill men and boys as well as women and girls this is seen as a “women’s issue” not a “men’s issue”.)

MOVING TOWARDS CHANGE - ending the Violence

I hope that eventually we as men will see how “quarterback kills” are us as men maiming and in the end killing ourselves. Being the “strong silent man” may be just as bad as the “strong tough guy”. In either case we are likely lonely, always on guard and hurting in our hearts – as men. When we feel cornered we may lash out doing things like calling other men “p-word” or “f-word” – tying our homophobia with sexism.

We often have lonely lives as men. Where we appear popular to others, we may still feel like we’re never good enough. We may also feel like we’re putting on a show, not being our real selves. We often lack deep, caring friendships. Touch may be ensnarled within us as “sex”. We can pound the guy on the back. We can’t be hugged by him, because then obviously one of us is an “f-word”. With women we can’t be a friend without a sexual edge. If hugged, we don’t feel the caring of the hugs. More likely we only have touch through sex or showing how tough we are.

I’m not optimistic that we will end the rape of women and girls out of “our humanity” as “caring men”. The forces which support sexist violence are strong. For most of us men “helping women” isn’t a strong enough motivation to drastically change our masculinity.

I hope though that we will see how masculinity kills and maims us as men. We pay a horrific price being male. Youth violence kills and cripples far too many. Our emotional isolation tears us apart. Being “a man” can be deadly. Equating “heroism” with being killed in wars is a very limited view of our masculinity. Where we have “male issues” such as how many of us as boys have major learning disabilities or dealing with our potential for getting and surviving prostate cancer, we ignore the issues unless we can’t do it any longer similar to how we generally deal with male violence issues.

Our (U.S.) mortality rates per 100,000 population (2004 data) are shown below:

AGE	Male	Female	%F/M
0-1	754	613	0.812997
1-5	32	27	0.84375
5-14	19	14	0.736842
15-24	115	44	0.382609
25-34	140	64	0.457143
35-44	244	144	0.590164
45-54	544	314	0.577206
55-64	1129	707	0.626218
65-74	2645	1761	0.665784
75-84	6394	4522	0.707226

http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/cats/births_deaths_marriages_divorces.html

From birth on we males are significantly more likely to die than girls and women are. Our death rates jump relative to women as we move into our teen years. In our mid to late 20’s the rates start to move gradually closer to the rates of women. I’d guess that our “maleness” hits its peak in its deadliness as we drive, drink, use drugs, and kill each other the most as teens and just beyond. As we age, if we survive, I think we get a little “wiser”.

If we as men do see our real need to take better care of ourselves, we may start to change how we view masculinity. Our “saving ourselves” as men for ourselves may start by us looking at how we hurt other men and ourselves. Out of this “self-interest” we hopefully will learn to respect and learn from women and girls. Through this we may finally begin to end rape and other sexual violence.

I would rather that male support for women would come much more directly from ethical choices and “doing the right thing”. History tells me that this is unlikely to happen. We White People have to date not made ending racism a “White Issue”.

Blacks did not achieve a path towards equal rights by Whites “doing the right thing”. Black soldiers coming back from both World Wars fought for equality. College students in historically Black Colleges used sit-ins and boycotts to demand their rights.

I hope that sexist violence and racism will both disappear as we become part of a better world. We should support diversity and respect each other both at home and abroad. It will take a lot of difficult work to get there.

Feedback is most welcome! Thanks!

Hearing - Really Hearing Reverend Wright

Having just heard Bill Moyers interviewing Reverend Jeremiah Wright, I can only say that Reverend Wright is a caring, brilliant man. The sound bites that we are fed distort his words. He certainly is "out there" in terms of some of his rhetoric. Hearing his message, not simply the sound bites, makes clear why he says what he says.

It is sad that Barack Obama must defend both himself and seemingly criticize Reverend Wright to avoid being labeled "UnAmerican" or worse.

Thinking of "Wealth" and Taxes

I believe that our current US taxation system unfairly taxes many of our poorer people and is unduly generous to many amongst us who can readily afford to pay more in taxes. I can't lay out a simple formula for exactly how things should be changed, but certain things jump out at me.

Working is fairly heavily taxed. Most workers pay quite a few taxes related to their work.

Wealth - is often very lightly taxed. IF one makes huge amounts of "taxable income" it is certainly taxed. Relative to the "normal worker" who might in the US work and earn roughly $40-150,000 or under $100,000 or under $75,000 - if you wish - the person with wealth need not necessarily pay a lot in taxes.

I would think, logically thinking, that IF beyond perhaps a base exemption of $500,000 maximum in home value for a Single residence (not a vacation home and a primary residence), those whose worth is in excess of benchpoints of say: $1,000,000, $10,000,000 and $100,000,000 might logically be expected to pay certain minimums in taxes based upon their wealth.

I'd have no problem with the individual or couple who is worth $10,000,000 paying a substantial amount of taxes in interest/dividend/capital gains income - which might be above the "benchpoint" and thus not due a "wealth tax".

I would have difficulty though in general with the idea that a household whose worth might be $10,000,000 paying say: $20,000 or even $50,000 in income taxes in a given year. Saying that this is a "small business owner" or otherwise "humble" individual or couple seems to me to mock the idea of what a "worker" really is.

I would think that a progressive "wealth tax" which would have several benchmarks and exemptions that would take into account federal income taxes paid by the household would be a good idea. Obviously keeping estate taxes for the wealthy would also be important in this area.

When talking of taxes, I presume that Someone has to pay the bill. Most people do pay and often pay as much as they can afford and should have to pay. Taxing wealth seems one way to make things more fair in allowing us to have necessary government services without creating tax burdens that are impossible or simply unfair for those of middle and lower income.

Thanks!

The "Overly Male Syndrome"

Reading of the actions of various Male politicians and other Men and Boys leads me readily into the slippery slopes of what I will call The Overly Male Syndrome.

There are at least several themes of how many of us Men are raised as boys which certainly might help lead us to be "different" from women in some pretty bad ways. I don't see a single, clear path as our experiences certainly vary. What doesn't differ is the propensity for certain characteristics which harm many others as well as often ourselves.

Some of these experiences we may face from babyhood on may include:

1. It's a tough world - so you've got to stand up for yourself and be independent and strong.

2. You've got to "be a man" - and be independent of and reject anything that is "feminine" - including your mother.

3. You are special because you are Male (and not Female).

As boys we have biological differences which affect us developmentally. Often we are slower than girls at developmental areas such as toilet training. Our play behavior from an early age is often very different from girls focused more on manipulating objects and less on cooperative play. While some of this may be related to our socialization, it also is affected by our biology as males. We have higher rates of things like autism, attention-deficit disorder and other areas which make learning in school problematic.

How we are treated by our parents, caregivers and others greatly affects how we end up as adults.

"It's a tough world..." type experiences may help us be independent as adults. They also help teach us to "defend our honor" and often to defy authority.

Rejecting the feminine - has various affects upon us including pressuring us to a narrow view of what is acceptable for ourselves as well as other men. Homophobia and violence directed at men because they aren't "real men" or women because they aren't male can come naturally out of this.

Our being "special" because we are Male and not Female affects us in many ways as adults. We can do things to women that we'd not imagine could or should be done to men and not see how inappropriate we are. These may go from not really listening to women to enslaving - buying women and even killing them.

The horrific things that we do to women - as men through rape, domestic violence, much childhood sexual abuse, stalking as well as verbally abusing partners, former partners, classmates/workmates and women and girls we don't even know are a "crime" or "continuing holocaust" in the best use of such words.

We also take what we learn out on other boys and men as children and later as adults. Many boys are brought up physically and psychologically abused by fathers, mothers and others who are feeding into the myths of what "being male" should be or is. While girls and women often internalize the hurt (and abuse themselves), we often lash out at others. We are the bullies or just the "rude men" (or worse).

We fight with other boys and men for "respect".

Many of us learn various dysfunctional ways of coping with our fears and anger. Many men live isolated lives emotionally in various ways.

My old friend Ed was a respectable math professor. He eventually married and had two beautiful daughters who are successful adults. Ed's life - looked sad to me over the many years that I knew him. I don't think that he had any "real friends", though he was certainly friendly to me and others.

Others superficially like Ed live often on the fringes of society, whether they are either "respectable" outwardly or "bums" or worse.

It is strange how the "newsmakers" in so many areas of catastrophic tragedies are male. The college and high school killers with their many guns are one example. The athlete or other celebrity who crashes their car at a high speed. The politicians like: NY's recent governor, Senator Craig, David Vitter - they're almost always male.

One thing that's sad about this is how unhappy so many of us men are with our lives. One would think with our privilege as men, we'd live long, happy lives. Often this doesn't seem to be the case.

Perhaps - eventually many more of us men will recognize that we have issues - that relate to how we are as men. If we realize this we may find it important first to develop meaningful relationships with other men that go beyond the "sports, women, booze" types of superficiality. When we begin to relate to other men, we may start learning to relate better to our children, parents and particularly with our significant others, whether female or male.

Thanks!

Obama and "The Experience Factor" ?

It is said by some that Obama "lacks the experience to be a good president".

It seems to me that if "experience" alone is the key factor, the Democrats have zero chance in the election.

It seems to me that the Democrats need to be able to emphasize the differences on the issues, which are many, to win the election.

I would hope that:

1.) Economic Policies - and the economy would help the Democrats,
2.) Support of Abortion rights - would help the Democrats,
3.) "The Conservative Philosophy" and "The Policies of Fear" - would scare a lot of Americans - feeling like McCain would be more of failed Bush policies,
4.) The Wars in Iraq and the threat of wars elsewhere as well as general foreign policy failures - would help the Democrats.

IF the Democrats, no matter who is nominated, can not get across that McCain is very Conservative and that Conservatism is NOT the best option in 2008, then they won't win.

It seems important in the coming months for the Democrats to:

1.) Energize the Democratic vote and move towards working together and
2.) Make efforts - that make "middle of the road" voters see Democrats as "middle of the road" and Republicans as "not middle of the road".

Statements such as Ms. F - certainly Hurt the efforts to make Democrats look middle of the road.

Democrats have a great opportunity. So far though it seems as though they are following history and taking defeat from the jaws of victory. I hope that it won't end up this way - where 4 more years of reactionary Supreme Court appointments take away Roe vs. Wade, our other rights continue to be eroded and our economy is run by the rich, for the rich.

Thanks!

Innocent Deaths

Eight Israelis were recently killed at a religious community in Israel. There was much outcry about innocent civilians.

Strangely when over 100 Gazan civilians including various children were killed by Israeli bombing this was "justifiable" and not a tragedy. Hamas's rockets had been shelling into Israel and in the past week one Israeli had been killed. There were seemingly no "innocent victims" here because "Hamas should have known that had they stopped their rockets, the killing wouldn't have occurred".

It is hard for me to understand how a people in Gaza and particularly children in Gaza are at fault for the misery that they've faced over the past 60 years. Given the poverty level and lack of land or resources to build an economy, is it any wonder that many people are radicalized.

The facts that many, many innocent Palestinians are killed by Israeli atrocities does not justify the killing of "innocent" Israelis. It does, however, make it more understandable.

The idea that "collective punishment" and fear of the killing of people or the destruction of their homes will somehow cow the people into "accepting reality" is a strange concept.

Similarly we may wonder why young males in our country who have been brutalized as children emotionally and physically by strict and arbitrary parents and/or bullied by other boys suddenly are killers. Passiveness may turn into aggressiveness most easily.

Thanks!

Taxation - Thinking about a Fairer System ???

Thinking about how we tax all of us in the US, I'm left with the feeling that:

1.) Those who work - and don't earn a huge amount often pay a lot of their income in taxes and
2.) Those - with substantial - "assets" - often appear to have ways of paying far less in taxes than they could easily afford to.

Thinking initially in these areas, I wonder why we don't tax: "assets" ?

Assume that Couple X owns:

1.) Two or more houses or condos or similar,
2.) A stock portfolio/ bonds/ bank accounts - with a value of $1-10 Million or more

vs. Couple Y who:

1.) Own a single residence (or rent) ,
2.) Have stock portfolio/bonds/bank accounts - with a value of $100,000 or significantly less.

Why shouldn't Couple X - have an exemption of some of their assets and pay taxes - on the remainder? Such a tax could be lessoned by (taxable) income that they received from the asset.

It often is stated that we should Not significantly tax capital gains or interest/dividend income because it will discourage investment and similar. I suppose that people can hid money under their mattresses and always there are incentives to look for the weaknesses in tax law to "save people money".

It seems that we should figure out ways to create as simple a tax system as possible which is progressive and requires people who have the ability to pay taxes to pay them, and those who have less of such an ability to pay significantly less.

I can't instantly construct a tax system to do what I am suggesting. I do think however that we should move towards more equity and fairness for all - and that such ideas could lead us on such a path.

Thanks!

Maleness - and Control of our lives

Recently I read an excellent, very lengthy biography of the noted British author Kingsley Amis. His life seemed dominated by his writing and his party life at least until he was around 50 years old. The party life seemed predicated upon his abilities to "score" with most any woman that he was attracted to. Into the early days of his second marriage, around age 50, his world was in many ways turned upside down. His new wife was greatly bothered because Kingsley was losing his abilities to "get it up".

It was interesting to see how this and general aging changed Amis. Clearly his masculinity was important to him and his lack of "potency" turned him around in his life. His wife didn't appreciate the new sort of "mother" role he sought with her. He lashed out in various ways with various people as his entitlement seemed no longer there.

As men we often feel that we have entitlements which we see as based upon "merit". We believe that we've paid our dues. We see ourselves as brighter than others. Traditionally we may have seen ourselves as physically stronger than others.

As we age and as we face what we perceive as challenges to our perceived power, we often react lashing outward at others we may love or simply at others. Women often seem to take out their hurts inwardly.

Learning of our own aging, our mortality and our being a part of larger worlds around us is important. The tip of my elbow has tendinitis which is mildly painful at times and not bothering me at others. It may simply not go away. As I move towards my 60's and beyond, such things may grow and gradually take over more and more of my essence. When younger I could pretend that I could control my body. Gradually my body teaches me the fallacy of such imaginations.

As men we need to learn more of how we are part of worlds around ourselves and not the Center of things. We need to feel the feelings and the being. We need to not see ourselves as powerless when we have power, nor All-Powerful, when we rarely are.

Thanks!

Looking at the Frontrunners for President

In looking at the candidates for president currently, I most notice the dramatic differences between the Republican and Democratic candidates. Looking at the websites can immediately provide images as well as detailed explanations of their "plans". Mitt Romney's "issues" area seems to immediately stress - defense and security issues. Barack Obama's website has issues in alphabetical order where "Civil Rights" comes first.

I've tried to choose below the issues of health care reform and abortion rights. One could easily look at many other issues. I wasn't able to find Obama's position on abortion, however I believe he supports Roe vs. Wade, which Clinton supports and the Republican candidates indicate they will work to overturn.

In my estimation one can debate within parties what is best. I would hope, perhaps naively, that one readily sees the differences between the Republicans and Democrats and that one's biases will push one strongly in one direction or the other.

What follows is copied and pasted from the websites themselves
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Romney: www.mittromney.com

Use A Free Market, Federalist Approach To Make Quality, Affordable Health Insurance Available To Every American

Deregulate State Markets. Encourage states to eliminate the cumbersome insurance regulations that drive costs up and providers out of the market.

Fix The Tax Code. Level the playing field by making all health care expenses tax deductible, eliminating the special treatment afforded employer-provided health plans.

Stop The Free-Riders. Use some of the money currently spent on providing expensive "free care" for the uninsured at emergency rooms to instead help the truly needy buy private insurance.

Reform The Medical Liability System. Institute federal caps on non-economic and punitive damage awards to eliminate frivolous lawsuits and bring an end to the practice of defensive medicine.

Promote Innovation In Medicaid. Give states flexibility to spend their Medicaid dollars in whatever way they find most efficient and effective.

Bring Health Care Into The 21st Century. Improve quality and enhance transparency by introducing the same competitive forces that drive innovation in other sectors of the economy.

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Promote A Culture Of Life. As President, Governor Romney will promote a culture of life. Governor Romney believes that Roe v. Wade should be overturned so that the issue of abortion can be returned to the American people and their elected representatives at the state and federal level.

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McCain: www.johnmccain.com

• Reform the tax code to eliminate the bias toward employer-sponsored health insurance, and provide all individuals with a $2,500 tax credit ($5,000 for families) to increase incentives for insurance coverage. Individuals owning innovative multi-year policies that cost less than the full credit can deposit remainder in expanded health savings accounts.
• Families should be able to purchase health insurance nationwide, across state lines, to maximize their choices, and heighten competition for their business that will eliminate excess overhead, administrative, and excessive compensation costs from the system.

• Insurance should be innovative, moving from job to home, job to job, and providing multi-year coverage.
• Require any state receiving Medicaid to develop a financial "risk adjustment" bonus to high-cost and low-income families to supplement tax credits and Medicaid funds.
• Allow individuals to get insurance through any organization or association that they choose: employers, individual purchases, churches, professional association, and so forth. These policies will be available to small businesses and the self-employed, will be portable across all jobs, and will automatically bridge the time between retirement and Medicare eligibility. These plans would have to meet rigorous standards and certification.
• --------------

Overturning Roe v. Wade John McCain believes Roe v. Wade is a flawed decision that must be overturned, and as president he will nominate judges who understand that courts should not be in the business of legislating from the bench. Constitutional balance would be restored by the reversal of Roe v. Wade, returning the abortion question to the individual states. The difficult issue of abortion should not be decided by judicial fiat.

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Clinton: www.hillaryclinton.com

Hillary's American Health Choices Plan covers all Americans and improves health care by lowering costs and improving quality. It speaks to American values, American families, and American jobs.

It puts the consumer in the driver's seat by offering more choices and lowering costs. If you're one of the tens of million Americans without coverage or if you don't like the coverage you have, you will have a choice of plans to pick from and that coverage will be affordable. Of course, if you like the plan you have, you can keep it.

• Affordable: Unlike the current health system where insurance premiums send people into bankruptcy, the plan provides tax credits for working families to help them cover their costs. The tax credits will ensure that working families never have to pay more than a limited percentage of their income for health care.
• Available: No discrimination. The insurance companies can't deny you coverage if you have a pre-existing condition.
• Reliable: It's portable. If you change or lose your job, you keep your health care.

If you have a plan you like, you keep it. If you want to change plans or aren't currently covered, you can choose from dozens of the same plans available to members of Congress, or you can opt into a public plan option like Medicare. And working families will get tax credits to help pay their premiums.

Small businesses are the engine of new job growth in the U.S. economy but face bigger challenges when it comes to providing health care for their employees. Hillary would give tax credits to small businesses that provide health care to their workers to help defray their coverage costs. This will make small businesses more competitive and help create good jobs with health benefits that will stay here in the US.

Insurance companies won't be able to deny you coverage or drop you because their computer model says you're not worth it. They will have to offer and renew coverage to anyone who applies and pays their premium. And like other things that you buy, they will have to compete for your business based on quality and price. Families will have the security of knowing that if they become ill or lose their jobs, they won't lose their coverage.

Nobody has worked harder or longer to improve health care than Hillary Clinton. From her time in Arkansas when she improved rural health care to her successful effort to create the SCHIP Children's Health Insurance program which now covers six million children, Hillary has the strength and experience to ensure that every man, woman and child in America has quality, affordable health care.

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When it comes to each woman's ability to make the most personal of life decisions, Hillary has stood firm as an advocate for a woman's right to choose.

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Obama: www.barackobama.com

• Obama's Plan to Cover Uninsured Americans: Obama will make available a new national health plan to all Americans, including the self-employed and small businesses, to buy affordable health coverage that is similar to the plan available to members of Congress. The Obama plan will have the following features:
1. Guaranteed eligibility. No American will be turned away from any insurance plan because of illness or pre-existing conditions.
2. Comprehensive benefits. The benefit package will be similar to that offered through Federal Employees Health Benefits Program (FEHBP), the plan members of Congress have. The plan will cover all essential medical services, including preventive, maternity and mental health care.
3. Affordable premiums, co-pays and deductibles.
4. Subsidies. Individuals and families who do not qualify for Medicaid or SCHIP but still need financial assistance will receive an income-related federal subsidy to buy into the new public plan or purchase a private health care plan.
5. Simplified paperwork and reined in health costs.
6. Easy enrollment. The new public plan will be simple to enroll in and provide ready access to coverage.
7. Portability and choice. Participants in the new public plan and the National Health Insurance Exchange (see below) will be able to move from job to job without changing or jeopardizing their health care coverage.
8. Quality and efficiency. Participating insurance companies in the new public program will be required to report data to ensure that standards for quality, health information technology and administration are being met.
• National Health Insurance Exchange: The Obama plan will create a National Health Insurance Exchange to help individuals who wish to purchase a private insurance plan. The Exchange will act as a watchdog group and help reform the private insurance market by creating rules and standards for participating insurance plans to ensure fairness and to make individual coverage more affordable and accessible. Insurers would have to issue every applicant a policy, and charge fair and stable premiums that will not depend upon health status. The Exchange will require that all the plans offered are at least as generous as the new public plan and have the same standards for quality and efficiency. The Exchange would evaluate plans and make the differences among the plans, including cost of services, public.
• Employer Contribution: Employers that do not offer or make a meaningful contribution to the cost of quality health coverage for their employees will be required to contribute a percentage of payroll toward the costs of the national plan. Small employers that meet certain revenue thresholds will be exempt.
• Mandatory Coverage of Children: Obama will require that all children have health care coverage. Obama will expand the number of options for young adults to get coverage, including allowing young people up to age 25 to continue coverage through their parents' plans.
• Expansion Of Medicaid and SCHIP: Obama will expand eligibility for the Medicaid and SCHIP programs and ensure that these programs continue to serve their critical safety net function.
• Flexibility for State Plans: Due to federal inaction, some states have taken the lead in health care reform. The Obama plan builds on these efforts and does not replace what states are doing. States can continue to experiment, provided they meet the minimum standards of the national plan.

Lower Costs by Modernizing The U.S. Health Care System

• Reducing Costs of Catastrophic Illnesses for Employers and Their Employees: Catastrophic health expenditures account for a high percentage of medical expenses for private insurers. The Obama plan would reimburse employer health plans for a portion of the catastrophic costs they incur above a threshold if they guarantee such savings are used to reduce the cost of workers' premiums.

Middle East Peace and President Bush

I sincerely believe that President Bush would like to see peace between the Israelis and Palestinians. I also don't believe that he has either an understanding or an acceptance of the realities that are necessary to make peace.

Currently there seems a continuation of past policies in that there are "boogeymen" who are "the problem" in the minds of the U.S. Government. It seems faintly possible that in a post-Bush administration this may change, though this would be a dramatic change if it went in directions that could bring about peace.

Iran seems to be "the demon" in the eyes of President Bush. It is unfortunate that in Iraq the Shiites had been "the most good guys" and that these Shiites closest ties outside of their own country were generally with Iran, a Shiite country, in the midst of a mostly Sunni Muslim world.

The Iranian leadership has been justifiably angry at the U.S. Administration. They had naively thought that they could be a major player in bringing peace within Iraq. They have not done much, if anything, to bring chaos/war in Iraq. They have primarily tried to help bring peace to Iraq.

This is not to say that the Iranian leadership are "good, honorable gentlemen" or similar. Clearly they have said some pretty nasty and naive things about Israel and Jews in general.

Iran is a major player, perhaps The Major Player in the Middle East besides Israel. We need to talk with the Iranian Government. The major Democratic presidential candidates and at least one Republican front runner have called for dialog with the Iranians - a definite change in policy - and an important, necessary change.

We need to talk and communicate with those who Don't Like Us! We don't need to like them, of course.

A second important party in the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict is Hamas. Hamas is in control of the Gaza strip in as much as the Israeli Government doesn't interfere with it. Hamas, like the Iranian leadership, is probably not a "good guy" of an organization. It is, however, an important participant, who can not be ignored (as it is being ignored) in any potential peace settlement.

The Sunni leadership of countries like Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Egypt as well as Pakistan and other Muslim countries can not afford to make Iran into "the enemy" as the U.S. Government attempts currently to do. While they may not publicly criticize Bush and his stands, there is a deep understanding among many that his peace proposals have little behind them and that a future administration is more likely to live in the realities of Iran (at least).

The U.S. and Israel may push all kinds of negotiations with the Fatah leadership of Mr. Abbas and his allies, but he can't make peace without at least some cooperation with Hamas. Hamas was the largest vote recipient in the last elections. Abbas currently is stuck - because if he gets the support of the U.S., he likely will be forced to compromise in his negotiations to a position that essentially "sells out his people" - which will result both in No Peace and in Hamas becoming the Sole viable force for Palestinians, hardly what the U.S. or Israel wants.

I hope for the best, but I'm not optimistic! I hope that I'm wrong. Thanks!

On Feminism - and Being Male

Being Male is something that I've had issues with since I was a boy. Feeling "different" being bullied by three boys two years older then me, being a loner and various other things isolated me from the worlds of: "country club cool boy", "stud", "star athlete", and other images I remember faintly from my distant youth.

Several days ago I read another rant of a long-time seeming activist to me saying that - many, many famous men and women have come from households without a father, and that "needing" a father is well over-rated. The tone and words that he wrote of strongly pushed a feeling that: "men are bad" and that "I don't identify with being a (real) man". (He's written similarly over the past 20 years.)

I agree that "needing a father" is not critical in being a healthy person. As children we need nurturing and love from adults - who may be of either gender and not necessarily simply our parents. I also recognize that the failures that I've had as both a son - feeling sad and angry thoughts related to my own father who died when I was 13 and more importantly as a father and now step-father are important to me. I believe that most men have issues related to their fathers, if they have them, as well as related to their children when we are fathers.

In the feminist male blogging community there are differing perspectives from one who works with young men and women both through teaching and his Christian youth groups (and generally says mostly quite insightful things), a young caring father, a blogger who speaks insightfully of being of Color and Male, and others who often write a lot about both what is bad about "maleness" and in some cases how they see us needing to do better as men to be the allies of women and more whole people.

Where there is a lack of what I think most important, it feels to me like it is a connection to other men in more than token numbers. Activists such as Steven Botkin, a most wonderful man, build community with men in important ways. They find male allies and talk through their issues and deal with their issues as men over many years, not relying primarily upon women for their emotional support and growth. They also build programs which work with men and deal with our issues relating to dominance and control in areas such as domestic violence and rape as well as working in areas where men are - such as being athletes. Such men confront men where they are at as both allies and men challenging their beliefs.

It is far, far easier to talk at men and talk with women. Seeking and getting the praise of many women is relatively easy when one can show that one is "different" from "those men". It is much, much harder to realize that while we as individuals may feel "different" - we are still men (primarily). For most women we are still different being male. For most men we are still one of them in important ways.

Men who work with men and connect with men can really be true allies and friends of women in ways that can be much harder absent such connections.

I was in my first men's group in about 1981, when I was 30 years old. Now I'm trying another time to connect and re-connect with men in my life. Several evenings ago after much effort four of us met in our first meeting as a men's support and consciousness raising group. I'm also working on an effort to have regular meetings with other men to do outreach work related to domestic violence and "our maleness" as part of a men's group that deals with domestic violence.

I've made my share of mistakes as a man in my life as many of us have. I'm ashamed of things that I've done and wish I had done better. I wish that more of my life as a single male and before I became a parent had had more of a focus towards helping others. Often it's easy to simply try to "have fun" and "fit in" and similar. One of the things I admire in many women is how they help others - their children, others' children, their parents, their closest friends and many more in their lives - reaching well beyond what is necessary.

As a man - I think it most important that we Do More rather than Say More! There are of course many other paths where we as Men can do good and help others. In speaking of working with men I don't want to sound like it's not equally important to work with children, the elderly, disabled people, in racism related areas and in many other important areas.

Thank you!